Did you know that there is a secret that parents are too afraid to say? As a parent, there are certain things that you are expected to never talk about even if it is how you genuinely feel. You begin to learn this when some of the things you try to talk about are met with blank stares, deafening silence or even judgmental gazes. It is as if there is a tailored experience of parenthood that everyone should have and anyone that feels or thinks otherwise become a pariah of some sort.
A woman once told a story of her experience at a support group for new parents. She recalled that after the birth of her first child, she joined a support group for new parents and ruing the meeting, people were asked to talk about their impressions of parenthood. Not surprisingly, most parents, especially mothers, had a lot of positive impressions to share. They went on and on about how the love they felt for their children was overwhelming, how they did not know that they could love someone at first sight and how they did not realise that they were capable of giving out so much love unconditionally.
When it finally got to her turn, she talked about how parenthood was just too much for her and how she did not expect it to be a lot of things. She expressed her fears and how she did not feel very excited about being a parent. Well, as one could almost guess, her impression of parenthood was met with harsh judgment, deafening silence and awkward stares. To the people in the support group, it was as though she had blasphemed the divine idea of parenthood; she had muddied the pristine pool of parenting. They seemed to be asking, “How dare she feel that way?”
She felt like a misfit in that support group, especially since she got more judgment than any actual support. She could have simply given the “right” answer or no answer at all. She learned the hard way that parents feel a lot of things, but they are not allowed or supposed to say them, they are supposed to keep it a secret.
As burdensome and as lonely as it must be to feel a lot of things and never be able to share it, parents would rather keep these secrets, so they are not treated like they are abnormal people that are void of human emotions even though that is the exact opposite. But in more recent times, most parents are beginning to speak up about these secrets that they are supposed to keep throughout their lifetime.
One of the critical secrets that parents keep and are afraid to ever say is that they HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
This is the gigantic elephant in the room that most parents ignore. They tiptoe around it and choose to exude confidence as though there is a parenting manual that they possess. In reality, most parents do not have the slightest clue about parenting, but they never say it. They never admit that they are on autopilot in the parenting world. They never talk about the fact that there is a lot of trial and error involved in raising kids.
Prior to parenting, most individuals are confident that they have a hang of parenting. They think it would come naturally to them even though it is hard for others. Some people who have nurtured pets think parenting is as easy people who are not parents always never have an idea of the kind of situations that will arise.
There are lots of parenting books and older parents that one would consider asking advice from when we feel stuck in dicey parenting situations, but how helpful are these solutions most times?
Other individuals who consider themselves smart are certain that they can brainstorm their way out of parenting problems. Well, history has shown how many geniuses failed at parenting woefully. Tackling parenting issues is not one that you can scale by just reading a book, asking for advice or arming yourself with a bucket load of information and intuition. No matter how confident you are of your parenting skills, you will be in for other surprises that can throw you off your horse.
Parents understand the sleepless nights that come with questioning all of your decisions and choices. There are problems you face with parenting that can seem to grind you to a halt. Most parents are aware of these situations, but they never fully admit it. They know how clueless they can be most times about parenting situations, but they are afraid to mention it. It can be understandable because acknowledging that you have no clue what you are doing as a parent is just like being a driver on a highway and telling your passengers that you do not know how to drive, but you are figuring it out. The shock, the panic and of course, the judgment is what you’ll get if you admit that you do not have a clue about everything parenting entails.
Everything from nursing, tantrums, sleeping habits, and discipline can be too much for anyone to handle. Having conversations with different people will only give you more options to explore when you are really just trying to narrow it down to the best course of action to take. There are lots of pros and cons of various scenarios that will leave you exhausted and saying to yourself but never out loud- I REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.
The second thing that parents are afraid to say is that THEY DO NOT ALWAYS WANT TO BE WITH THEIR CHILDREN
The types of parents that are always struggling with this problem are the stay-at-home parents. Parents that perhaps work remotely or house spouses know the struggle of not wanting to be around your child(ren) all the time. There are times they wished the child(ren) would just go away or be taken from them for a while, but of course, they dare not say it out loud.
In recent cultures, both men and women have begun sharing the responsibilities of parenting. Gone are the days of men coming home and ignoring their partners and the children. Now they have their own share to deal with, so the troubles of parenting give everyone a fair dose. Most parents that are actively involved in the life of their child(ren) know that there are times you want to just run away from the children. It is like needing a break from parenting which almost seems impossible.
SOMETIMES PARENTS JUST WANT YOU TO TAKE THE CHILDREN FROM THEM
Some parents who work full-time jobs have a limited time to spend in their homes and deal with the real problems of parenting. During the weekends some parents just have to watch T.V, mow the lawn and indulge in gardening. Still, on the other hemisphere of parenting, the parents who spend all their time with the children would most readily appreciate a break from the children.
They may hide it all the time, but they really just want to have some time to themselves without having to deal with the responsibilities of being a parent. Being a stay-at-home parent can be exhausting, and there are often no words to communicate this feeling without coming off as a parent that hates their children. If you ever got around to mentioning how much you need a break from the children, people immediately translate it to you, the parent being laden with regret of having children when that is not the case by a longshot. Dealing with children can tell on you, it can wear you down not at once but gradually. Being a stay-at-home parent is anything but simple.
Children are always active and must be watched all the time. Closing your eyes for a split-second can be risky because your toddler almost swallowed a keychain. You want to take a shower but you cannot till the kids fall asleep because while you are in the shower, they have probably trashed the house.
Another thing is that children exhibit an obsessive fondness of their caregiver. They always want to be around you all the time. You want to ease yourself; they are there. You want to eat your meal, they are there trying to take from your plate, and if you have more than one, they are always fighting, and you need to be sure that they do not harm each other.
Parents are always afraid to say a lot of these things for fear of being misunderstood, judged or being labelled. They want to be the perfect parents that the society appreciates even though almost all parents are working around wishing they could scream out their frustrations. However, they keep how they feel about parenting a colossal secret. Every parent knows and deals with these things, but they never speak about it.
Other things that parents never talk about are how parenting can affect their productivity; they also never mention how parenting can stall or end their careers. They seldom talk about how financially draining it can be to raise children. So they soldier on afraid to say these things.
