The onset of periods is one of the biggest changes puberty brings for girls. You can help your daughter cope with this change by being prepared and ready to talk her through it.
What are periods?
Your child will go through many changes in puberty—one of the most significant milestones in her first 
period.
Periods are part of the menstrual cycle, which affects hormone levels in the ovaries and the uterus.
Here’s what happens in a menstrual cycle:
- The level of female hormones (estrogen and progesterone) rises. This causes the release of an egg from one of the two ovaries. The egg then travels down a fallopian tube towards the uterus.
- Extra blood and tissue build up in the uterus’ lining to prepare for the arrival and implantation of a fertilized egg.
- If the egg isn’t fertilized, hormone levels fall. This leads to the lining of the uterus being shed through the vagina. The lining is blood and other tissue.
This last step is what we call a ‘period’. Most of the blood and tissue come out in the first couple of days, but some girls will continue bleeding for up to seven days. The amount of bleeding varies.
When periods start
Most girls will have their first period when they’re between 11 and 14½, but anywhere from 9-16 years is considered normal. If a girl has a major growth spurt and has grown some underarm hair, periods are likely to be just around the corner.
If your child hasn’t started her period by the time she turns 16, it’s a good idea to talk with your child’s GP. There can be many reasons why periods haven’t started by then, and medical assessment can rule out any serious problems.
Period cycles
The time from the first day of one period to the first day of the next is sometimes called a ‘cycle’. Cycles are usually between 25 and 35 days. But girls might not get regular periods for the first few years, so their cycles might change from one period to the next.
Irregular cycles can be as short as 21 days and 45 days (or even longer). Girls who start their periods earlier will usually get a regular cycle more quickly than girls who start their periods later.
Preparing your daughter for her first menstruation
Menstruation should be treated as a normal body function.
Prepare girls by talking about pain, blood flow, age of onset and other questions.
Pack a kit she can take with her wherever she goes, and make sure she knows how to use it.
The onset of a girl’s first period can be a time of many questions both for girls and their parents. While tweens may be curious about what menstruation will be like, parents may be wondering about the best way to answer the many questions on the topic coming their way.
Talking to your daughter about periods
Talking about periods with your daughter can be a tricky conversation. But your daughter needs to know what will happen in her body before she has her first period.
Some of the things your daughter needs and might want to know include:
- what a period is and how often periods come
- how much blood will come out and how many days the bleeding is likely to last
- whether periods hurt
- how to use and dispose of pads and tampons
- what to do if she gets her period away from home – for example, at school or camp
- whether she can swim when she has her period
- Whether she should use tampons or pads first.
If your child isn’t keen to talk with you about periods, there might be another trusted grown-up she feels comfortable with. If there’s no female parent in your home and you feel your child would prefer to speak with a woman, you might be able to ask her aunt, an older sister or a female friend to help.
The best tips on how you can mentally prepare yourself and your daughter for menstruation
-
Treat a period like potty training.
Parents should take the approach that menstruation is a normal bodily function similar to going to the bathroom. Talk about it in a nonjudgmental way that shows you’re not embarrassed to talk about it.
-
Reassure your daughter it won’t hurt too much.
One of the most common concerns she hears from her young patients. While the bleeding itself won’t hurt, parents can mention that there may be cramps. Saying that as the body is removing the blood, it can cause some aching in the lower belly. Tell her there are things she can do to ease the aches. Some of those things include using a hot water bottle, being physically active or, if needed, medicine such as ibuprofen dosed for the child’s weight.
-
Don’t assume your daughter knows everything.
Health education classes at school may not cover everything you think they do. Tell your daughters that their bodies are getting ready to become an adult and that they are going through the steps of what they will need when they grow up and decide to have a baby. Of course, it’s worth adding that just because a girl’s body is changing from being a kid to being a grownup does not mean that she is a grownup suddenly.
-
Your daughter’s period will come when she’s ready, even if it’s earlier or later than her friends.
One popular question you would often hear is, “When will my period start?” While there’s no way to guarantee an exact age, parents can make a guesstimate. Generally, it starts within two years of beginning breast development. The average age is about 12, but it’s not unusual for periods to happen before age 10 these days. One way to get a sense of when a child’s period might start is to know when the mother started her period and infer that the daughters may begin around the same age. If your daughter hasn’t had her period by the age of 15 or 16, check with her physician.
-
Please don’t wait until a girl starts her period to show her how pads work.
Remember how you should treat a period like going to the bathroom? Well, just as you taught a child how to use a toilet during potty training, you need to show your daughter how to use feminine protection during her cycle. Demonstrate how to put a pad in underwear. It will give her an understanding that this is something that is not just happening to her.” Plus, she’ll be able to take care of herself if her period starts at school or during an extracurricular activity where you aren’t around to help.
-
Use your child’s paediatrician as a resource.
If you feel uncomfortable or you find that words fail you on a specific question, contact your child’s paediatrician for help talking about it. We also recommend visiting healthychildren.org, which is the website of the American Academy of Pediatrics.
-
Teach your daughter how to track her period
Girls might worry about their period starting suddenly at school or during a sports event. Take some of the anxiety away by showing your daughter how to use a diary or an app to track her menstrual cycle. In the first year or so, periods can be erratic, but they can also be much lighter — so, even if the start of her period catches her unaware, it is generally more manageable. Even when a girl starts menstruating, a cycle is generally 28 days, and anything between 21 and 35 days from the start of one period to the start of the next is considered normal.
-
Tell her always to be prepared.
That’s not to say that she shouldn’t always have something on hand, just in case. We recommend packing an emergency kit with pads and a change of underwear a girl can carry in a backpack or gym bag, so she has it handy wherever she goes.
-
Explain how to go with the flow
It’s not unheard of for a girl to think her blood flow might be like water gushing from a faucet. Parents can compare it to the clear vaginal discharge girls may experience a few days before their period starts. It might feel like that, just a little heavier and a little wet.
-
Keep communication open
We know people who grew up in families where menstruation was not discussed, and some of them didn’t tell their parents for years that they had started their period. Be neutral and not judgmental when your daughter asks questions. Single dads who may feel awkward broaching the subject should get the advice of trusted female relatives or family friends, or their daughter’s paediatrician.
-
Prepare your child for potential mood changes.
PMS is a real thing; it’s not just something people make bad jokes about. Its more severe form is called PMDD, or premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which is essentially depression that happens around a period. If parents see any signs of depression, such as social withdrawal or a change in grades, they should contact their paediatrician. It’s good to talk about these issues in advance. You can tell your daughter she might notice that she feels unusually cranky — or even that she feels bloated or her breasts hurt before her period—and that’s completely normal.
