Why We Should Not Treat Our Kids Like Adults

We often commit the error of thinking that children are little adults when, in fact, they are just tiny humans that are growing. Without giving it a thought, you’d probably not get the implication of treating children like adults. The consequences can be dire, and the effect is too costly in the long run. We should not treat our kids like adults.

With adults, we expect a level of behavioural maturity, responsibility and accountability that children are just not ready for. Children cannot be expected to have the same level of self-control and expression that adults have had all their lives to master. Having these expectations of children makes adults become very frustrated when children behave as they should.

It is not out of place to wish for children to be better at a lot of things so that it would make parenting and guidance easier. The only problem is that the set standards reflect the standards of adulthood, which can come with crushing pressure and responsibilities. It would be unfair to have the same criteria for kids as adults; in fact, it is not feasible.

Adults and children are very different. Children are little humans, but they are not small adults. The development and learning process for children is at a stage where their reactions are a specific type of way. Children behave and react in with their own developmental stage and not the stage of adults.

Forcing children to be adults would mean ignoring their struggle and suffering. It would mean reducing what they are feeling and asking them to suck it up, after all, they will not remember it in a couple of years, but that is not the case most times. Even as adults, we are often still haunted by parts of our childhood that hurt us. The feelings that we did not resolve that are now baggage that we have to manage all through our adult life. For some others, they have hidden their childhood in a dark corner of their minds where they never have to remember it again. And adults lie to themselves when they think that their childhood does not affect them in any way, but the truth is that the lives of most people are affected by what happened to them when they were children even though they never fully realise it.

Adults can always remember what happened when they were children just that some people would rather not think about it. The childhood experiences of most adults shape their sensitivities, and this often leads to these adults projecting the experiences to the children around them. As an adult, you must remind yourself all the time that your childhood experience is not identical to the realities of the children under your care. You have to guide children as children that they are while finding a way to live in your own realities as an adult. You should not try to make children walk in your shoes so that things are more comfortable for you.

HOW TO NOT TREAT CHILDREN LIKE ADULTS

UNDERSTAND THAT CHILDREN ARE NOT LITTLE ADULTS THAT ARE TERRORISING YOU

Adults often do not make sense of why children behave the way that they do. They fail to understand that children even though they have little bodies, they have very huge feelings. When adults think that children are deliberately terrorising them with their tantrums, then they begin to use their words or actions to communicate to the children to “suck it up”. The children begin to have their experiences invalidated; they are now forced at a young and tender age to toughen up and get over things that they should have dealt with.

The crazy thing is that adults most times find themselves falling short of the same standards that they have set for children. Adults get overwhelmed by some of the things that they expect children to handle on their own. Even though adults may not literally fall down anywhere and start crying about how they are feeling, you see them venting their frustrations and struggles to their friends. They also take to the internet to express their emotions in the way they know how to. Adults have to understand that children have their own way of reacting and expressing themselves, and you should not have to force them to do it how you like.

One thing adults must have at the back of their minds is that children are not little adults or monsters that are making a deliberate effort to frustrate you. The behaviours and reactions of children are better understood when you have this in mind. You will be likely to be more patient with the children.

Children have their own unique way of learning about life. Children will learn through experiences of their own and others; they will also learn from testing limits. The manner in which children react to things is primitive. Children do not understand that there are consequences to their actions and inactions. They do not know the weight of their choices.

Saddled with a lot of emotions, children have little self-control and hardly ever have a lid on their emotions. Children cannot teach themselves how to manage their emotions and express them in the healthiest ways possible. What they only end up doing is what most adults force them to do, which is to use destructive coping mechanisms. The only way for children to learn to adopt healthy and effective coping skills is when they are taught how to, and it most certainly does not involve treating children like adults.

The truth is that most adults struggle with these skills themselves so it might be hard for them to teach what they do not have at all. However, what they can do is to teach themselves first then go on to teach the children coping skills that create a healthy outlet for their emotions. Children will turn out to be better when they have a firm grasp on how to regulate their emotions and actions generally. Forcing them to behave like adults only make things very complicated for them and everyone around them.

UNDERSTANDING THAT THEY ARE NOT LITTLE REPLICAS OF YOURSELF

Most times, adults replace the need for children to explore and find the things they love with what they themselves want. Being a parent or guardian to a child does not mean you must impose or project what you wish you were or have on them. You can actually share the things that you love with children while still allowing them to find and experience things for themselves too.

The truth is that no matter how much the physical resemblance you share with a child, you must understand that they are different from you, and they will never have similar experiences with you. Children can share some of the things that you enjoy or wish you had, but more often than not they would have their own passion, they would have their own ambitions because they are their own person. They feel, want and need things just as adults did when they were children. It is unfair not to allow them to try to have certain things for themselves because you either consider them an extension of yourself or you are afraid, they would fail if they tried. You must learn to indulge their curious minds; you must relieve them of the responsibility of living life the way you wish you did. Let them have their own thing because they are not little adult replicas of you.

WHAT MAKES ADULTS AND CHILDREN SO DIFFERENT?

Apart from the glaring physical differences, children are so different from adults psychologically. The only problem is that while the distinguishing physical features are apparent, the psychological differences are not. Also, it is essential to understand that the psychological differences are very impactful in the behaviours of children and adults.

So, what are these differences?

EGOCENTRISM

Children see the world from a keyhole perspective. It makes them come off as very selfish most of the times, but that is not the deliberate attempt on their part. Their view of the world and life generally is very limited. This is why children tend to only care about the impact of situations and things only on themselves and not on others.

In an adult, we do not easily excuse these actions since it is narcissistic. However, with children, we must understand that it is a stage for them.

TRUST

Children tend to be more trusting than adults. This is because they have not had a lot of bad experiences and disappointments. Children are more vulnerable and gullible.

This means you cannot hold them to the same standards for adults when children exhibit naivety.

REACTION TO STRESS

When adults are dealing with a stressful situation, they have tons of things that they can do to help themselves manage the situation, but this is not the case for children. Adults can talk to their partners or friends, channel their thoughts to something more positive and sometimes even engage in sporting activities.

Children do not adopt these coping skills to deal with stress. Their approach to stress is basically reactionary. The tantrums and irritability come to the fore. They do not know how to handle their frustrations, so they just lash out.

The differences between an adult and a child helps one understand that children should be cut a lot of slack and given healthy guidance. They should not be saddled with the responsibilities of adulthood when they have not even developed enough to deal with such things. So in short we should not treat our kids like adults, or mini me’s.