It appears as though the mental health of fathers does not matter as much as that of mothers. The mental health of mothers has been elaborately studied while the mental health of fathers has not received the same attention. The problem with this is that the mental health of the father can affect the whole family. The need to provide support for the mental health of fathers is important. Fathers need to take care of themselves too mentally just as children and mothers need to be taken care of.
One of the most crucial points of any man’s life is when he becomes a father. There are changes and feelings that come with being a father. Most people believe that the only emotions and feelings that come with becoming a father must be positive ones. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Research has actually proven that fathers often fall into depression.
Not so much attention has been paid to understanding the reason why fathers often fall into depression and for this reason alone, they do not even get the appropriate mental health support that they need. Support is actually demanded from fathers mostly. They are expected to be a pillar that carries the mother and the whole family while being as strong as possible. It is almost unimaginable for a man to struggle with their mental health. The feeling of alienation is not new to fathers and this makes it even harder for them to be there for their partners and their families.
It goes without saying that a person has to be at their best to help others. A father cannot easily and possibly be very supportive when they are not in the right place mentally. The impact of this mental state can tell the whole family in a very negative way.
Compared to past times, more fathers are now present during the birth of the child, the child-birth experience has its own effects on the father. The pains a mother experiences and even in cases where the birth is traumatic all have their impacts on the father. The problem is that most times nobody cares to worry about the wellbeing of the father. Extensive researches have been done to understand the impact of the trauma that comes with motherhood, but next to nothing has been known or done for fathers. The very few researches that have been done have shown that fathers experience abandonment and isolation even though it can be concealed in a lot of overwhelming emotions. Fathers have little information to work with on how to preserve their own mental health.
SO DOES THE MENTAL HEALTH OF FATHERS REALLY MATTER?
There are lot reasons why the mental health of a father should matter. It is important to come up with ways to help fathers. Neglecting their mental health does not make for a balanced home or parenting. The thing about mentally supporting fathers is that in that same way, you are helping mothers too. A mentally balanced mother and father are going to do great as parents.
According to previous research on fathers’ mental health, there are three areas that have been brought to the fore. One of the areas is about what type of support fathers need to deal with their own mental health, the other one is about the information and guidance fathers need if they are struggling with their mental health and finally, the information and assistance the fathers need when they experience a familial traumatic event.
Further research has shown that most fathers think or feel that they are not adequately taken into consideration when there’s a need to give information and assistance as regards mental health. It is one thing to struggle with your mental health, and it is another thing to feel like you are not given enough assistance in your struggle. One cannot begin to imagine how difficult it can be for fathers to show up in situations for their partner and family while feeling alienated and unassisted.
The problem is that fathers are made to feel as if their mental health should take the backseat. They have to hold it together even though they are suffering inside, they must be ready to be there for their partners without anyone trying to understand how they are feeling and going the extra mile to help them.
Did you know that:
IN WHAT WAYS DO FATHER’S MENTAL HEALTH SUFFER?
BIRTH TRAUMA
According to a study carried out on fathers that experience or witnessed the traumatic birth with their partners, it was revealed that the mothers enjoy most of the support and assistance without the fathers being considered. How does a traumatic experience affect fathers?
- After a traumatic birth experience, most fathers have been known to struggle with their mental health because they said that nothing could prepare them for this experience. There was not any or enough information or explanation offered to them that could help them navigate the traumatic experience.
Fathers tend to remove themselves from the equation by belittling their own suffering. They say that they are men and so the traumatic experience doesn’t affect them as much as their partners. They were relegated to the background together with their suffering.
- When a traumatic event happens, most fathers find a way to cope with it by themselves. They find something that insulates them from the suffering that they are feeling at that point. Most men try to over-compensate for what happened especially because they blame themselves for it in the first place. They take sole-responsibility and things can go downhill from there.
Fathers have been known to say that they were distressed and found it hard to cope with the post-traumatic phase. The overwhelming nature of their trauma was not all they had to deal with, they also had to deal with the feeling that their feelings did not matter as much.
Most fathers have been accused of not being empathetic as much as they should in the face of trauma. They must be supportive even though they need support too. They might need their partner’s attention but they don’t ask for it because they are afraid of being rejected.
- What fathers receive and what they want or need are actually very different. Fathers are not supported from the jump as much as they would like. It is like there is a provision for mothers and children but the fathers have to find their own way around everything. Even healthcare professionals have not done much to help fathers with their mental health.
Fathers should be given the same attention that mothers are given. They are parents too. Their feelings should be included from the start. Fathers would feel better if they were just asked to talk about how they were feeling about an event.
HOW TO TAKE CARE OF FATHERS’ MENTAL HEALTH
First of all, we must acknowledge the fact that the mental health of fathers is not inferior to that of mothers. Understanding this will make it easy for them to be included in any healthcare plan that has been arranged for the mental health of mothers. However, fathers on their own must help promote their own mental health. They must be able to attempt helping themselves. So how can they do this?
They must learn to be, not just share how they feel with people that they trust but they must do so honestly. Fathers can try to talk to a counsellor or their family members that they can confide in. Healthcare professionals are bound by law to keep meetings with their patients confidential so there is nothing to fear.- Take care of yourself by indulging in hobbies that make you feel good. They must be involved in social activities and exercise. Carving out a little time at intervals to do something that you like can make all the difference.
- Exercises can put you in a better mood. Take a walk or ride the bicycle. Just get the blood pumping and the limbs moving.
It is important to understand that it is normal for you to feel low or down sometimes as a person but you must observe when it has become persistent and affects your daily activities. Mental health issues are best treated when they are in their earliest stages. There is nothing to gain from suffering in silence when you can speak up and get the help that you need. Making a deliberate effort to join support groups and networks to improve your mental health can be very important.
SOME OF THE REASONS FATHERS MENTAL HEALTH IS NOT TREATED INCLUDE;
Absence of quality support. Fathers might have this idea that the support that they are getting is of poor quality and an after-thought. This makes them not bother about getting support at all. They feel genuinely lost most time because of this.- Little or no information is the next huge obstacle for fathers. There have been cases where a situation where downplayed for them till they did not have adequate information to handle the situation when it did come up. An example is a childbirth. Fathers need all the information to brace themselves for impact.
- Not having someone to talk to can be a very big problem. In cases where some fathers cannot afford therapy, they do not really have no one to talk to about their problems.
- Health professional does not take fathers seriously as they downplay their mental health struggles and this hardly helps the struggling father.
In essence –There lots of overwhelming emotions that comes with being a father, it’s okay to not to be okay! It’s not okay to ‘Keep Calm and Carry on.‘
Don’t suffer alone. Confidential help is available to you. Contact one of the numbers below to get some help today.
