The age range between 10-12 years is a very confusing time for children, especially the girl-child. There is so much going on in their minds, and it is even more difficult to parent them because they rarely open up about anything to you. It is like knowing that something is wrong but not knowing exactly what it is so you don’t know how to be of help.
Having a tween daughter means having a daughter that is too old to be considered a child or infant but also too young to be a teenager. This means having a daughter that is in that place where they don’t seem to need you anymore, but they cannot really figure things out for themselves. They are struggling with being their own person, and this is not very easy for them, and truthfully it won’t be for you either.
Tweens are often worried about their physical development. They start looking out for and expecting changes on their bodies. This is obviously because of all that they have been exposed to earlier. Tweens deal with so much stress and anxiety because their mind and body are changing. A late-blooming tween will feel like something is wrong with them when they are not developing as fast as others in their age bracket. On the other hand, a tween that is developing quickly may not know how to handle all the changes that they are experiencing.
Tweens also feel very lonely because it is as though no one understands what is happening to them. They cannot easily find answers, and most times, they do not want to ask questions because they are afraid. The range of emotions that tweens feel can be a bit overwhelming, and that is why they are often in their own space and quiet.
With all of these going on, it is not crazy for you to be nervous for your tween. As a caregiver, it is only natural that you are worried about what’s going on in the mind of your tween daughter. The fact that they won’t open up to you will make it difficult for you, but it should not deter you from attempting to understand them. You are not a mind-reader, but you can have a clue of what they are dealing with and equip yourself to help your tween. Being in a position to help your tween will help you be less nervous. So what are the things going on in the mind of your tween daughter? What exactly are they dealing with? Who better to tell you than tweens themselves? After a survey was carried out by asking some tweens what they think about, they provided fascinating insights into the mind of tween girls, and this can help you understand them better. Here are some of the things tweens think about;
AM I COOL?
Tween girls struggle with a lot of self-doubt and self-consciousness before they can become self-confident. These terrible periods of questioning themselves and everything they do in a bid to be validated by people they consider cool. Tweens no longer bother about being just a good person or a student that makes good grades, but they are on the lookout for what is socially acceptable at the time. They just want to fit in and become part of the cool kids.
Even adults deal with the problem and find it difficult to handle then imagine how stressful it can be for you tween daughter. The struggle to get the cool kids to love her will have her experiencing different emotions, and you must be on there for her. It would be best if you tried to understand what she is feeling and going through. At this stage, you would need to keep reassuring her that there is nothing wrong with her, and she does not need to be a certain type of way to be liked. The truth is that they would hardly take your word for it, but you have to keep saying it.
It would help if you also resisted the urge to talk so much. You have to listen to them and listen carefully so that you can understand what goes on in their minds, and also they need to know that you really care. Once tweens notice that you do not listen to them, they do not bother opening up anymore. You shouldn’t always give your two cents on everything your child brings to you. Sometimes just listen to the tween and have a conversation without being all logical and philosophical. Tweens just want to talk most times and do not need a lecture.
SOCIAL MEDIA
Tweens are in that age where they have just been introduced to social media. Social media is fascinating to them at first because it is like this new cool world where they can connect with lots of people, but we all know that it is not the case. Tweens learn sooner than later that social media can breed negative competition, self-doubt and loathing and mess with the self-esteem. Social media can stress tweens out. They begin to bother about things like what their Instagram captions should be and which picture will get them a lot of likes and if the cool kid liked their picture.
On social media, tweens expose themselves to public approval, and they have certain expectations from people to feel validated. Imagine how they feel when they do not get the approval that they seek. Tweens could break down when they do not get so many comments or likes on social media. It stresses them out a lot. In fact, the happiness or sadness of most tweens that make use of social media depends on validation from the public. They are obsessed with it.
So how can you help your tween daughter navigate the troubled waters of social media? You can begin by limiting her use of social media. She is better off not using certain sharing sites so that she does not become obsessed with validation from other people.
MAKE-UP
Tween girls want to experiment with makeup even though they do not actually need it. Trying on makeup is something every girl tries at some point. Tweens always want to play with makeup and look dolled up, especially if their peers are doing it too.
Your tween daughter is going to try on some makeup either with your knowledge or not, so you should teach them how to do it properly and in the manner that you approve of. Who better to teach your tween that makeup is a beauty enhancer and not the definition of beauty other?
It is also important to note that your tween wanting to use makeup is an extension of how much they are concerned about their image. They are aware of societal expectations and the conventional concept of beauty. This is definitely not the time to start teaching them about weight loss or dieting or any of such things. It would be best if you were all about acceptance because that is truly what your tween needs.
BOYS
Most parents lose their cool when they notice their tween daughter having an interest in boys. The truth that you must accept is that boys matter to tween girls. You must equip yourself and prepare the atmosphere to talk about boys with your tween daughter. You must try to make light of these conversations whenever they happen. It is also important that you do not make a habit of teasing her about her choice of boyfriends. You should just guide her gently but don’t make fun of her interests, she is still, after all, a child that should not be weighed down with lectures on these things since she has a lifetime to learn.
You can have girl talks with your tween daughter where you teach her some things about boys and the way they behave. You must let her know that just like her, the boys do not know what they are doing just yet. Fostering a healthy relationship between the tween daughter and her father would also help her understand relationships with males and set even better standards.
“AM I REALLY GOOD AT ANYTHING?”
You would want to believe that this problem is set aside for only adults and may be teenagers, but it is one of the biggest worries of tweens. The success-based culture of the human race does not spare even the young tweens that should be taking out time to try out different things and fail without judgment.
Tweens are worried about being the best athlete, getting that coveted part in the school play, being the lead vocalist or one of the straight-A students. Tween girls feel like they must be good or outstanding at something. It is not bad for children or even people generally to attempt being good at something, but tweens need to understand too that there are a lot of things and ways to be great. You must not compete or be good at only the things that are conventionally acceptable.
It is your duty as the parent to your tween daughter to make it easy for her to find fulfilment at other things that she is happy about. Make her understand that she could still be making a difference. Please pay attention to her little achievements in the areas that she is good at. Although it would seem that they do not appreciate it, deep down they do feel and value everything you do for them. You and your Tween will get through this like millions have before you – however, don’t think they do not have the battle scars, they do – however, the reward at the end makes it all worth it!
