Before the industrial times, fathers used to work with their sons daily, instructing them on the values of life and guiding their every step. As industrialisation came to the fore, fathers dropped farming and headed to the factories instead. Working fourteen to sixteen hours daily means the father-child time has been cut drastically.
The pressures from work and other commitments may lead men into believing that they do not have the time. Slowly, fathers came to be reputed as just breadwinners that achieve their parental goals by providing. Should this be so?
We here at Stay-at-Home Dad certainly do not think so…..
A father is someone to look up to no matter how tall you growANON
The importance of fathers
Studies show that children, tweens and teens need the firm leadership a father can provide. Studies show that children get more confident from spending time with their fathers, as well as performing better at school, they also learn to make better decisions thanks to listening to logical explanations.
Fathers that are involved find the time to attend their children’s recitals and games. They remove themselves from the TV to show their children how to balance their bank account or change a tyre. They encourage their kids to maximise their strengths and do their best. They also encourage them to set firm limits and keep going even if they fail.
Doing all of these have its perks, and in this article, I want to show you what they are.
If you are a father, below are some of the most important reasons why you should be investing more time in your children:
You get to understand their abilities better:
Spending more time with your children gets you more attuned to their growing skills. Fathers that spend less time with their kids regularly overestimate or underestimate their developmental progress.
Now, underestimating a child’s ability means you won’t be able to provide adequate stimulation or challenge, boring the child in the process. Overestimating a child’s ability on the other hand would leave you setting unrealistic expectations, setting the tone for an unpleasant experience both for you and the child. Either way, a child will interact less with you, if any of these happens.
When you spend more time with your children, you will be able to assess their strengths, sensibilities and talents better. You will, therefore, have the optimal opportunity to provide stimulating and challenging interactions. You will find out what they enjoy doing and how. (For instance, when playing a game with a 6-year-old, adult rules may be unnecessary. Spending more time with your child teaches you these rules).
Your child’s self-esteem will be enhanced
A father’s time is precious to both the kid and the dad. The willingness to spend more time with a child sends a message: ‘You are important’. A father that gives himself wholeheartedly shows his love and respect for his child. And if you, the one that a child respects most in the entire universe, believes he or she is worthy of your unfiltered attention, then the child will bask in the sense of his or her own importance.
Let us state the obvious: There is nothing more psychologically important to a human being than having healthy self-esteem. Why not provide this for your child?
If you do, when the kid grows up, you will enjoy the pride you feel and bask in the knowledge that you had a hand in growing the person he or she has become.
You will be able to prevent childhood problems
Fathers do not have as much control as they would like over the lives of their kids. Every father wishes their kids were more popular and less awkward. It no doubt hurts a father to see their child hurt, rejected by their peers. Every father wants to protect their children from all of that. But the truth is… we can’t.
There’s a silver lining though. Having a close relationship with a child means a father has better chances of instilling self-acceptance and self-respect into a child. When fathers are less involved, however, the reverse may be the case.
Take for instance, in a recent publication, American Psychologist, Dr.Louise Silverstein wrote:
Research clearly documents the direct correlation between father absence and higher rates of aggressive behaviour in sons, sexually precocious behaviour in daughters, and more rigid sex stereotypes in children of both sexes – Dr.Louise Silverstein
You will have a stronger influence on them:
Every child is exposed to numerous influences. The older they get, the more they are likely to adopt a frame of reference from their peers. However, the closer the relationship you have with a child, the more likely the child’s identity will be modelled like yours, the father.
This puts you in a better position to instil positive values and enhances the chances that they will be accepted. If you as the father sends more respect and love the way of your child, and not fear or anger, the child will likely incorporate those values into him or herself and behave more like you.
There are cases where the sons are more likely to identify with and feel closer to their fathers than the daughters will. However, a father will still be a very important role model for a daughter if she feels a loving connection. Most daughters will also grow to choose men that reflect the positive traits of their fathers when choosing life partners.
Your own self-esteem will be enhanced
You inevitably become a better father and parent when you spend more time with your child. As being a father does not come naturally, and must in fact be learned, you will enjoy a sense of self-satisfaction as you become better at it.
As of the relationship you have with your children, the popular saying, “The more you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it” is very valid. Knowing how increasingly important your child sees you, will, in turn, leave you having an increased sense of self-importance.
Seeing them grow, flourish and achieve under your guidance is more rewarding than you can ever imagine possible.
Consider your epitaph:
You kids will not be with you forever; they will be gone soon. As they reach later developmental stages, you will look back with wistfulness and amazement at the speed at which everything has gone, how quickly their childlike dependence on you and innocence has disappeared.
As a father, you start to ask yourself questions like “Why didn’t I realise then, how important they were to me?” or “Where was I when they were growing up?”
Sadly, for a lot of fathers, looking back at their lives can be unsatisfactory. Even more questions like “Did I attend to the really important things?” or “What did I do with my life?” are asked, with more unsatisfactory answers popping up.
A lot of fathers start to feel hollow and unaccomplished when they ask themselves these questions. You wouldn’t want to go down that road. If you invest in more father-child time, you wouldn’t. When you get to that stage of life where you begin to evaluate your choices, I want your answer to be satisfying.
